I’m about to hop on a plane in the next 24 hours and move to an entirely new city, in a new state, for the first time in my life.

Sure, you might say I left home for college, but that was different. College was just 300 kilometers away—a night’s train journey. After exams, I could always head back home for a week, savor Mom’s cooking, endure her loving scolds and taunts, and return to campus recharged.

Not anymore.

Now I have to masquerade as a full-time adult, embracing all the good and bad that comes with it.

I’m probably overthinking this—things will likely turn out fine. But my anxious self just can’t keep calm. I’m caught in this peculiar state of anxiety, excitement, and profound sadness. The last time I felt this way was when I changed schools after 10th grade, and everything turned out okay. Starting college was different—you were eager to have fun now that the rat race was over. But this time, I can’t seem to find joy in moving into the next phase of life. Maybe that’ll change in a few months, but right now, it feels like life peaked in college. I know, typical.

Ironically, home doesn’t feel quite like home anymore. Yes, I eat better and sleep better here, but something’s different. The sleep I get in my hostel bed feels more comforting than in my own home. I still remember entering college in July 2022 with my red trolley in tow—a scrawny, frightened mechanical guy. Soon I’ll be leaving as a scrawny, frightened, but wizened electronics brat with a different red trolley. I’m grateful to my friends; life won’t be the same without them. I should apologize for being a pain in the ass, but nah, that would mean I care about them. I don’t. (jk I love you guys.)

For the uninitiated, I’m moving to Bangalore for the foreseeable future to work for a big pharma consulting firm. I know, it’s very un-laal-salaam of me, but it was the only job offer I managed to con my way into, and I truly hope they don’t force me to make dashboards again. I’m looking forward to (in no particular order) IMAX theatres, disposable cash (my phone is on its deathbed), bookstores, and beer pitchers.

If you are reading this in Blr, hmu for a cup of coffee!